I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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