if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
