she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
