so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
