i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
