This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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