I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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