Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
