Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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