forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
