there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
