And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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