We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize