I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You need a sexual gate keeper
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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