The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
