I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
