i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
