I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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