the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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