I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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