I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
