If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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