You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
