Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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