Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
