The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
