I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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