Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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