Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
