did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
