I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
