Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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