Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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