This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
