Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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