The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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