you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
