Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
