So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
