Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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