I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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