i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
