Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
