The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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