at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
