yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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