My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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