I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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