I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
