My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
