Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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