Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
