So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
