I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
