Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
