70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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