College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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