That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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