I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
