if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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