i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there was a trapeze. enough said
I love having hate sex.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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