He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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