I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
