are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
