I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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