I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
