where am i from again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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