Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
