Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
