Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
