Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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