so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
