i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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