you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
